“I never noticed you having accidents with ugly girls.”

In the winter of 1992, my wife and I honeymooned in the cold, snowy NC mountains. A short drive from our picturesque, mountainside log cabin was an old general store that rented movies on videotape. We selected the 6-hour western miniseries, Lonesome Dove, starring Robert Duvall and Tommy Lee Jones as former Texas Rangers Augustus McCray and Woodrow Call. We fell in love with this beautiful adaption of Larry McMurtry’s 1986 Pulitzer Prize-winning novel and have watched it at least 20 times. It’s a remarkable testament to the power of the story that we still find it captivating and continue to learn from it after so many viewings.

12 Life Lessons from Lonesome Dove (includes spoilers)

1 — Happiness is a decision, not a destination

Lorena is heartbroken as she realizes former Texas Ranger Jake Spoon won’t get her to San Francisco. Gus tries to soothe her with a beautiful truth.

“You see, life in San Francisco is still just life. If you want any one thing too badly, it’s likely to turn out to be a disappointment. The only healthy way to live life is to learn to like all the little everyday things — like a sip of good whiskey in the evening, a soft bed, a glass of buttermilk, or a feisty gentleman like myself.”

Read that again.

2 — “You ride with the outlaw, you die with the outlaw.”

Bad company corrupts good character and can get you killed. Former Texas Ranger Jake Spoon aligned himself with murdering horse thieves to get through the rough Midwest territory. Although Jake didn’t kill anyone, his decision to let the evil happen cost him his life. Gus told Jake that when you ride with outlaws, you die with outlaws.

Choose your friends carefully.

3 —Know where your line is

As Jake Spoon was about to be hung, Gus told him he had crossed the line. Jake responded,

“I didn’t see no line, Gus! I was just trying to get through the territory without getting scalped, that’s all.”

A man of integrity doesn’t leave home without knowing where his lines are.

4 — You don’t have to win the fight to be a leader, but you may have to fight

The range boss, Woodrow Call, was leaving for a long trip and put the young Newt Dobbs in charge. An older, more experienced ranch hand took offense and picked a fight with Newt. Newt didn’t back down, but he got his butt kicked. Then he stood, picked up his cowboy hat, and barked an order to the older man. He lost the fight, but not his authority, and gained the respect of his fellow ranch hands.

Losing the fight is sometimes better than walking away from it.

5 — Be a man and lead

My wife of 32 years is the wisest person I know, and I need her help every day, but she expects me to lead. July Johnson was a kind, mild-mannered Arkansas sheriff who let every woman in his life tell him what to do — his wife and his brother’s wife. His inability to be a decisive leader has devasting consequences.

Your wife needs you to lead.

6 — Stand with your friends

The Army tried to take Dish’s horse and beat him senselessly when he refused. After Dish was left defenseless on the ground, young Newt courageously positioned himself in front of the horse despite witnessing the brutal attack. He also took a beating.

Who’s a friend if they’re not with you when you need them?

7 — “Yesterday’s gone, we can’t get it back.”

Gus spoke these words to July Johnson when July blamed himself for the deaths of his stepson and two others. Our mistakes can teach or torment us, but we can’t change the past.

“But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3: 13–14

8 — Try empathizing before criticizing

Gus’ former love, Clara Allen, asked him where he got Lorena, the Lonesome Dove whore (their words, not mine).

“She’s been in Lonesome Dove a while,” he said.

“Doing what?”

“Doing what she could, but don’t you hold it against her,” he said.

Clara, a well-to-do horse trader and proper lady, could’ve gotten jealous and judgmental. Instead, she replied,

“I don’t judge women that harsh.”

She adds that she might’ve done the same thing in a similar situation.

Don’t laugh at my ugly feet until you’ve walked a mile in my hand-me-down shoes.

9 — Keep going

Call and Gus (mostly Call) wanted to drive a herd of cattle from Texas to Montana so they could “see that country, before the bankers and lawyers all git it.” Along the way, they fought Indians and bandits, crossed rivers, buried friends and employees, hung a friend, suffered horrendous weather, and kept going.

Circumstances don’t knock you off course when your “why” is strong.

10 — Keep your promises

Before Gus died, he asked his best friend, Call, to promise to bury him in Clara’s orchard 1600 miles away — a long, treacherous journey on horseback across rivers and through Indian country. The request was outlandish. Gus and Call spent months driving cattle from Texas to Montana, friends and ranch hands dying along the way. And Gus wanted Call to promise to take his dead body back. Call made the promise. The doctor told Call he’d seen many people break promises to the dying. Call said he aimed to keep his promise, and he did.

A man keeps his promises.

11 — Be careful about the promises you make

Woodrow Call learned an essential life lesson.

“I guess this’ll teach me to be careful about what I promise in the future.” — Woodrow Call

To be a promise keeper and not a promise breaker, you must be a wise promise maker.

12 — Be careful about who you put your hope in

Lorena set her heart on going to San Francisco, an 1800-mile trek, and put her hopes in Jake to get her there. But as Gus told Call,

“Jake’s far too leaky a vessel to put much hope in.”

The sad truth is that everyone will let you down. No one can bear the weight of your hopes and dreams. Only Jesus Christ can.

Bonus — “I hate rude behavior in a man. I won’t tolerate it.” — Woodrow Call

The lesson is simple — don’t be rude. You might run into a man like Captain Woodrow Call, as the old Army scout did, who barely lived to regret it.

Kill’em with kindness.

And it’s a wrap

The Lonesome Dove miniseries from 1989 is a classic you’ll surely enjoy. And you might learn a lesson or two. Especially, if you watch it 20 times.

You can avoid accidents with ugly girls if you read my new book, Stronger Down the Stretch.

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