Grocery Shopping Can Make You Want to Kill Someone

I wrote before about things that change your life. I just want to mention again how much I love the grocery delivery service Shipt. It’s like Uber for groceries.

Analyze what it takes to do your grocery shopping.

• Put clothes on.
• Leave the house.

That’s enough right there to love Shipt. But there’s more.

• Fight traffic.
• Yell at stupid drivers sitting at green lights who are checking for likes on Instagram.
• Consume gas.

We’re just now getting to the store. Then:

• Up and down every isle putting items in your cart.
• Mark items off your shopping list.
• Manage incoming texts from family members who are sitting at home in pajamas adding things to your list.
• Return to isle 2 to pick up the salad dressing just added to the list by text.
• Put stuff back on the shelf that your child snuck into the buggy.
• Go to the customer service counter to find out where marshmallow fluff is that just got added to the list by text. And what is marshmallow fluff?
• Stand patiently waiting on the little old lady who wants to pick up and touch every bunch of bananas.
• Overspend on impulse buys. The mystery isle at Aldi gets me every week.
• Find the shortest line that has the fastest and smartest looking cashier. God forbid the person in front of you picked up the one item in the store with no barcode and you have to endure a price check. Or they write a check!
• Finally, off load all of your items onto the conveyor belt.
• As you swipe your debit card pray that your checking account can cover it because we all know that you don’t balance your checkbook (what is that the millennials ask?) anymore.
• If you’re cheap like me and shop Aldi now you have to touch every single grocery item for the third time to self-bag.
• Put bags in shopping cart. Proceed to the car.
• Handle bags again. Load them into the car.
• Return buggy. Get your quarter. An Aldi thing.
• Ignore incoming text from family member who just added chocolate chip cookie dough to the list.
• Drive home. Fight more traffic. Yell at more drivers. Slam on brakes at the light. Propel the bag with the brown organic free range eggs into the back of your seat. Should have bought the cheap ones.
• Handle bags for the third time bringing them into the house.
• Touch grocery items for the 4th time.
• Cuss the cashier under your breath because he didn’t take the “reduced for quick sale” $1 off the chicken breast.
• Get yelled at for ignoring the last text.
• Have a drink.

So, you can easily see how Shipt can change your life. More time, less anxiety, more naps. All the ingredients for a great Saturday.