Getting older doesn’t have to suck

A dark brown faux leather bar chair stands on a short wall in the Union County Register of Deeds. More than ten years have passed since the padded seat supported any weight. Instead, sitting on the chair is a package of Red Man chewing tobacco, a memorial service pamphlet, and a long-past wilted red rose.

A fight would ensue if a foolish soul dared to remove the items and use the chair for its intended purpose.

A Tribute to a Wise Old Man Who Knew How to Age

This little corner of the world remembers James E. Griffin (March 5, 1928- January 3, 2014), a Harvard Law graduate of the early 1950s who returned to his native Union County and practiced law for the next 50 years. Jim was as country as his Red Man chewing tobacco, and if you can imagine Andy Griffith as Matlock, plus 50 pounds, you’d have a good visual of Jim.

Although Jim and I passed each other in the courthouse hallways hundreds of times over 15 years, we never spoke. He always wore a scowl and appeared locked in the deep recesses of his mind, oblivious to humans around him.

I thought he was a crotchety old man, but I discovered later that he carried the weight of everyone’s world on his shoulders.

Getting Older Doesn’t Mean Retiring

The weight crashed on Jim in the mid-2000s, forcing him to retire from practicing law. But Jim didn’t resign to the front porch rocking chair of his Marshville, N.C. home (birthplace of country star Randy Travis). He overcame personal issues and, in his mid-70s, took a paralegal job with a law firm in town.

This career change placed Jim in my world, and we became fast friends.

I watched Jim, a child of the Great Depression and a Veteran of World War II, show up to work every day, eight hours a day, for ten years and almost always in a good mood. His last day at work was within a few months of his 86th birthday.

Jim Taught Me 5 Lessons on How to Age With Grace and Spunk

1 — Keep Showing Up

Jim’s mind was sharp until his last day, and he had good health to work. He attributed the latter to a tall glass (or two) of red wine each night, but I believe his attitude aided both. Jim didn’t allow his mind or body to atrophy at home watching Price Is Right. He kept moving, stayed engaged with people, and used his brain.

A 2006 National Bureau of Economic Research study supports that retirement leads to declining physical and mental health. We have to be diligent and proactive as we enter midlife.

Find meaningful work even if your company forces you into retirement with a sweet pension. You need a reason to get up in the mornings.

I hear Walmart is hiring greeters.

2 — Keep It Young

Jim boldly charted his own course, shunning the well-trodden trails left by his peers’ mobility scooters. His contemporaries filled the seniors’ Sunday School class, but Jim taught young married couples. Jim said his peers tried to draft him into the older group for years, but he couldn’t handle being around the elderly.

A 2020 study in the Journal of Intergenerational Relationships, “Give and Receive: The Impact of Intergenerational Program on Institutionalized Children and Older Adults,” showed that older adults experienced less depression and loneliness when they spent time with younger people.

In fact … they improved their sense of worth, their well-being, and started to feel more confident about their lives and their aging. This experience gave the elders a purpose and made them feel useful, in addition to working as an important resource to promote relationships and social networks.

Jim valued the energy of young folks. The “Give and Receive” study also found that the younger subjects benefited from being around the older ones.

Jim definitely added to my life.

3 — Keep Giving

Jim’s bite-size flip phone constantly rang with lawyers calling for advice about a case, politicians seeking strategy help, or non-profit chairs needing interpretations of fine print. The call could also come from his elementary-age grandson, who lived with Jim, reminding him about a Pee Wee baseball game that afternoon.

Jim helped raise a granddaughter who lived with him, as well. Jim didn’t turn people away, helping anyone who asked for it and telling stories starting with his infamous “used to.”

Pouring goodwill into others keeps you fresh and full and is an excellent lesson on how to age.

4 — Keep Overcoming

Jim could have allowed personal misfortunes and discouragement to drive him under a rock, wasting his last years in self-pity. Withdrawal would’ve been easy. Turn off his phone, drink red wine, and count the cars passing by his house. But Jim refused to allow one failure to define him.

He denied the alluring temptation of bitterness.

Instead, he swallowed his pride and accepted a less prestigious position. Jim stayed engaged; he continued to help people and remained active. He never complained about his circumstances.

And the weight of the world once on his shoulders? Gone.

The scowl? Transformed.

Jim overcame the Great Depression, WWII, his first wife’s death, and a grandson’s passing. He took in and raised his grandchildren and spent summer nights at Little League baseball games.

It’s no wonder his generation is considered the greatest.

Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. Booker T. Washington

5 — Keep It Civil

Jim rarely said a bad word about anyone. Liberal in his theology and politics, Jim certainly didn’t agree with everyone, but he always respected different opinions, including mine. He enjoyed a good debate, and even though you might not change his mind, he wasn’t compelled to change yours, either.

Jim thrived on the conversation and cared to hear what you had to say. As I grow older, I see that being open-minded becomes more challenging. We want to confirm our biases by hanging out with people who agree with us, and we’re less tolerant of differing opinions.

Jim cared less about his opinions and more about people.

That’s a great lesson right there.

Staying Strong Down the Last Stretch of Our Lives

Barring any misfortune, statistically, we have 76 years to occupy ground on this planet. I’ve seen too many men falter in their 40s and 50s. Midlife crisis is a thing. But I want to grow stronger with the passing years, and Jim’s life is a lesson in how to age with grace and spunk — keep showing up, keep it young, keep giving, keep overcoming, and keep it civil.

I wrote a book called Stronger Down the Stretch – Surviving Midlife Without a Crisis because everyone needs a battle plan to fight the spiritual, personal, physical, and professional effects of aging. The book will teach you how to age with grace and spunk like my friend, Jim.

Let’s get stronger.

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